I am 24, and I live in a 4 bedroom 2 bath home that belongs to my parents.
My parents also live in this home, and so does my sister who is 11, my son who is almost 3 and our 5 cats.
The past 3 years I have been on a wild ride, getting used to being a first time mom, making the decision to break away from my son's biological father, and trying to get on my feet financially. It hasn't been easy its still a work in progress but I have learned a lot.
After only 2 weeks of living with this man I was miserable, home sick and scared. I hadn't had enough experience with life yet to know that even if you have been talking to a person for a year that doesn't mean you know them. Phone calls are nice but they dont allow you any sort of insight to how a person lives their day to day life.
Short version of the story this man after I had moved in went from having a good job with a company car, to living on state disability for mental illness, and playing video games all day long while I worked, to saying who I could or could not hang out with, and not letting me leave the house without him. to sitting at my work and watching me during my shift, to saying things like you are not allowed to change your mind, yelling at me and throwing things at me, to preforming sexual favors for our male neighbor to get drugs so he could get high, to trying to get our homosexual roommate to sleep with him.
I stuck with him up until our roommate came to me crying and I finally ended it. Problem was I didn't have anywhere to go. So I spent a month sleeping in that man's bed and spending as much time as I could at work even sometimes falling asleep in the break room. Finally I caught a break, a co-worker offered to let me come and stay with her. I didn't know Janet that well (you would think that I would have learned my lesson) but I was ready to get away from the place I was living as fast as possible and she was an adult (over 40) how bad could she be.
over the next 6 months living with Janet and trying to save enough money to go home. I realized something wasn't quite right, my car was having a lot of problems out of no where and I was having to use all my savings to keep it running so I could get to work. I was approached by some one at work who told me that she had over heard Janet say that she was planning something to do something to my car and it wasn't very nice.
Now up until this point Janet and I had been very friendly and she was almost a mother figure but after hearing this little bit of gossip at work I was suspicious. I got a lock for my gas tank, I started parking my car where it could be seen from my bedroom window and I stopping accepting any help from her at all. After about 2 weeks she was a different person, she was snappy and rude, finding any excuse to argue with me and I began to feel as uncomfortable in her home as I did in my ex's. Then she brought in someone new, I had see the new girl at work she was in a different department but I knew her face I was told that Vanessa the new girl would be living with us from now on, it wasn't too big of a deal to me I figured less bills. Nope, she was going to get to live with us free of charge.
Over the time that I had been living with Janet I had started a new relationship his name was Donald, Don for short and things had been going pretty well. He was an escape a friendly face, a place to go so I didn't have to be home with Janet and Vanessa both of whom seamed to not like having me around. Well in May of 2009 I found out I was pregnant! I had spent all of high school telling my mother that i didnt want kids, was never going to have any and that was that, but suddenly here I was with a little life in me and I was SO VERY HAPPY! we told his parents and my parents and we talked about getting married, and then in September I started bleeding. it was late at night and I was scared so I went to the ER and they did an ultrasound, they couldn't find my babies heartbeat. They asked if i wanted to wait have nature takes it's course or if I wanted to induce the "expulsion of the dead tissue" ...what a way to word it. I opted to medication so that it would be over with quickly. So I had labor induced and I "gave birth" to my dead baby. I had never been so sad in my whole life.After I lost my baby, I lost myself. I broke up with my babies father I just couldn't look at him after the baby died. I began smoking, cigarettes and other things to try and take my mind off my pain. I almost lost my job because it was obvious to everyone that I truly didn't care anymore. I decided that i needed to shock myself back to life, one of my favorite musical groups is Insane Clown Posse so I bought tickets to a show in Philly and one of my best friends from down home caught a flight to Jersey and we went to the show together.
In order to get the days off for the concert with my friend I had to bargain with my boss and I ended up opening at 5:00am for a few days that week in order to have the days off I wanted. I was usually on the closing shift so the first morning coming in at 5:00 I got stopped by one of the over night workers and he said i couldn't come in because the store wasn't open yet. I laughed and showed him my badge and unzipped my coat so he could see my uniform. He laughed too and apologized introducing him self as Robbie, i had never seen him before because our shifts hadn't ever allowed it, but he made me smile again and it felt good. I was all geared up for the upcoming concert with ICP and so the coat I was wearing that morning was my Hatchetman hoodie. Robbie saw the big red hatchetman on my back as I was walking away and said "whoop whoop!" for those who are not "down with the clown" that is the family greeting among the Juggalos and Juggalettes (Psychopathic record's fans)I told Rob about the concert and we talked for a little while then I had to go actually work.
That year I spent New Years eve with Robbie and he was my new years kiss. We moved in together in March when Janet told me to "get out" and even though the lease wasn't up till June I left. Robbie and I did really well together for the first few months but after moving in together and seeing each other everyday it was different. He was not much of a people person, that was one of the reasons he worked the over night shift, so he wouldn't have to deal with people. I am a very friendly very bubbly person and for the most part I love everyone. I was glad Robbie loved me but it bothered me that he didn't want to be around other people.
In April shortly after I turned 21 I found out that I was again pregnant. I wasn't as excited this time, I was very happy about the baby but so very afraid to lose it. Robbie was ok with it but not over the moon, had little to no interest in going to the doctor's with me. Between April and July we argued at least every other day, I wanted to go home and have my baby in my home state, Robbie thought it was an unnecessary complication. I had by this point managed to save up a bit of money. So in August I packed as much as I could into my ford focus and drove home by myself leaving Robbie in Jersey to hold down the fort. Part of me planned on going back to jersey to be with the father of my unborn child the other part of me had been away from home so long she was sure she would never want to leave again.
Rowan was born on February 8th at 2:25am and Robbie was there he came down from Jersey to see his son born and stayed the first week, then went back up north. I never thought I could love anything as much as I love my little boy! He brought so much light into my life, and I am so thankful.
I broke things off with Rowan's father in July. I had decided to follow Christ, I knew there was a god I just kind of always thought he hated me for some reason, then I saw Rowan and the light he let in my life showed me how wrong I was. Robbie is an Atheist and I found it very hard to talk to him about my new happiness. Rowan's father was also was looking forward to the 2012 Apocalypse so that earth would be cleansed of humans including himself and his new baby.... I didn't want to be around that kind of negativity, so I asked that we no longer be in a relationship.
Robbie doesn't visit his son or ask about him we haven't spoken since that July, and the last time I saw him was in court for child support where he didn't even make eye contact. Rowan doesn't miss him yet as far as I can tell and he has my Father as a roll model.
As of today I'm at home with my son,
I sell Mary Kay cosmetics as a Consultant,
and do crafts on the side and sell them on Etsy.
I go to church on Sundays and help in the children's classes, and some Sundays I sing with the band. I'm getting my life together and spend way too much time on Pinterest.
I lost 11 lbs with Weight Watchers and have kept it off for 3 months, through Halloween candy, Thanksgiving and Christmas
I have a good solid relationship
of almost 2 years now.
I get to spend time with
my family any time I want
Mary Kay lets me put My Life in Order! Faith First! Family Second! Career Third!
I have had a bumpy past but now it's time to get on track and stay there! And I am well on my way!
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